Unless you’ve got cameras following you and you’re trying to be dramatic like those ladies on “Real Housewives of Atlanta”, or are Prince Harry (who invited every woman he’d ever dated to his and Meghan’s Royal Wedding) I don’t really see a reason why you would need to invite an ex to your wedding. I understand that some folks can behave and act like grown folks, so of course there are exceptions, which we’ll get into.
Now, when it comes to your baby’s daddy, rather, the father or your child(ren), I gotta push pause. I have friends who grew up in divorced families and one friend in particular is always talking about how she wished her parents could have gotten along when she was a kid, after the divorce. I’m once (and hereto never again will I be) divorced myself. So I know how important it is to suck up your side-eye, dagger-throwin’ snarky looks when you’re around your child’s father for the sake of the child. (Trust me, kids ultimately figure things out on their own without you ever saying a word.) And your wedding could be one of those times where you can take a moment to suck it up.
I was invited to my college boyfriend’s wedding eons ago. And I attended with love in my heart because I was happy that he found the right girl for him. But when I got remarried almost two years ago he was so NOT on our invitation list. Neither was my first husband although he and I are friends. Likewise, Al and I didn’t invite anyone he had previously dated or his ex-wife. So that we don’t get it twisted, because as I like to say, “This is YOUR wedding”, there are three reasons why I think it might be appropriate for you to invite your child’s father or your ex to your wedding:
- Do it for the (younger) kids – This is your time to set an example for your child. Remember, you want your child to fall in love with someone and get married happily ever after, too, and they’re going to need to see examples of good love. A wedding is a great time for that. You’ll also show that you can bury the hatchet, at least for one day if need be. Now, if you have grown kids — I really don’t see the point.
- The Expiration Date has come and gone – If you were married to or dated your ex so long ago that there is a huge expiration date stamped on the relationship and y’all are just friends AND your spouse-to-be has met and spent time with this ex, then an invitation could be forthcoming. But if it’s been so long ago, that you and your ex are no longer even in touch with each other (as was the case with me and my college-sweetheart) it would be like inviting a stranger. So, there’s really no need to even stress out about it. Whichever way you’re leaning, you’ll still need to talk it over with your fiancé to make sure it is A-Okay with him.
- He’ll be a “No-Show” – This could be that one time where you hope a person won’t RSVP with a circled ‘yes’. If you think your ex won’t show, but would take the invitation as a sign of peace and good will between you, then invite him. Just be prepared in case he does show up!
Whatever you decide, I know you’ll keep your cool and you’ll make the right decision that is best for your wedding day, your new love and your children. If you feel like you’re losing it, post a comment below and I’ll help you out!