I was having dinner with a friend, she’s about 47 and she was telling me how even at this age, she is still dealing with trust issues; minor one’s like feeling anxious when a guy she’s dating doesn’t text her back right away. Now, my girlfriend said she knows, like really knows that the guy is into her, AND they’ve even set communication “boundaries” like, “We’ll talk when we talk, no pressure” and she agreed to that. Howev’s she can’t get around that icky feeling she gets when he doesn’t text back. We looked at each other and we said, “Trust Issues!”
We all deal with trust issues in one way or another, honey, big or small. I had to deal with them in previous relationships. But I was determined not to let that old baggage flow over into my new love and marriage. And maybe I’m being naïve (and in my 50’s no less). But I trust my husband wholeheartedly.
But I also know that when trust or the lack thereof rears its head, things can get real ugly, real fast. You won’t even recognize yourself if it gets too far outta hand. TRUST ME when I tell you I know what I’m talking about on this one: Trying to decode phone passwords. Checking credit card receipts for unexplained expenses. Following three car lengths behind while wearing a pair of shades and a baseball cap with a pair of binoculars laying on the seat beside you. BEEN THERE DONE THAT! And won’t ever go there again. These days my mission is helping to ensure YOU don’t go there either.
What do “trust issues” look like? Whether you’re afraid to share your inner thoughts with loved ones, or worried about becoming emotionally attached to anyone because people tend to disappoint or bail on you (and why set yourself up for another round of failure), or simply, you’re afraid, so like my girlfriend referenced above, your antennae goes up when someone you care about and have been vulnerable with doesn’t text you right back…These are trust issues. Still need some clarification? I’ve got some quizzes for you because what’s a psychological ailment without a quiz??
I know ya’ll have found yourselves late night, just like me, under the covers on your phone taking some “Does He Love Me?” quiz. How else can we get through life’s problems without a Cosmo quiz here or there to help a sistah out?
Here’s a fun quiz and while the writing and grammar are sorta awful the results are kinda informative; here’s a more serious quiz on Oprah.com that gets you into the type of situations that reveal your trust issues. Be sure to read this article I really liked; it asks you to quiz yourself with some honest questions to help you begin to redirect your path to Trustdom.
No matter what any of the quizzes reveal, I want you to keep one thing in mind: trust your gut. If that little voice inside your head is repeatedly EXPLODING, shrieking “this dude right here cannot be trusted” please do me a favor and listen to yourself. It’s your protective instincts sending you fight or flight messages, the old school way: insomnia, upset stomach, overeating, nervousness, breakouts. Stop. Breathe. Listen to your internal voice. It is right there with you all up inside that relationship with the guy. Not your girlfriends. Your inner you, your instinctive self, KNOWS. And your CHOICE to ignore it because it’s too painful to think about beginning again could do you more harm than good. And actually will only delay the inevitable.
When I was 32 my voice exploded in my head that the guy I was dating didn’t have the same values I did. His religious beliefs were, in my opinion, wackadoodle to say the least, and I cringed every time he shared them with me. That little voice woke me up night after night. So what did I do? Married the man. Umm hmm. NOT SMART! We lasted 18 months under the same roof as a married couple before the wheels fell off. I could have saved myself time, money and a whole lot of emptied Ben & Jerry ice cream cartons had I heeded my internal voice on my 32nd birthday when it told me to “GET OUT!” But I ignored it. The only good thing that came from that relationship was my beautiful son.
Don’t be like me. Take the quizzes. See what they say. But listen to that screeching little voice of yours because it’s rarely going to lead you astray.
Let me know if your inner voice has ever saved you from heartache!