Ladies! If you want help for when your guy ghosts, then Christian Carter is the hombre for you! This is the second week of the Powerful Penny “Ode to the Experts,” and this guy made an impact on me and how I approached my relationship.
In his Catch Him & Keep Him series, Christian Carter has one mantra, and it goes something like this:
“Making ‘The Big Mistake’ is really all about being driven by your unmet needs and desires and solely focusing on what you want the relationship to be, without honestly and critically considering the man’s perspective, his emotional state, his communication skills and where he’s coming from at the same time.”
I can get down with this! My biggest takeaway from Christian Carter is that you have to communicate your needs and desires. We’ve all been there. You meet a guy, you like him, you go out a few times, things are great, but then he starts to pull away. He begins the ghost dance. You don’t know why he’s pulling away so you get scared and panicky, then you start having those feelings and those thoughts of “Does he really like me?”, “Does he want more?”, and the big one, “Where is this thing going?” So you ask this question, and blammo! It’s over.
Well, ladies, the problem in all of this is that you’re thinking about HIS needs. Is it wrong to think of him first? Noooo. You want a relationship. You should be thinking about him. But what’s not so cool is that you haven’t found the chutzpah, or guts, to communicate your needs. And when you don’t communicate your needs, especially early on, you bottle them up or keep pushing them down. Then they blow up in a massive freak-out explosion that always erupts at weird times like when you’re at his place brushing your teeth one fine morning. Christian calls this blow up “The Big Mistake.”
Communicating your needs goes a little something like this:
- Hey, Glen, I want a committed relationship, just you and me, amigo. What do you think about that?
- Hey, Roderick, you seem distant. I’d really love to have more frequent communication because it makes me feel close to you. Can you get down with that?
- Yo, Marco, I’m a girl who wants to get married. Is marriage on your mind?
Believe me. I know it’s easier to write this stuff than say it aloud over a spaghetti dinner date you waited all week for. Please hear me when I say you can’t be scared. You deserve to express yourself. You deserve to ask a simple question (and they really are simple “yes” or “no” questions). What you’ll deal with is the answer … step by step, just like eating Pink Elephants.
You can read a ton of Christian Carter’s free advice online where he answers questions, offers scenarios, and gets into his concept of The Big Mistake. Take a read and get some inside guy advice so that you can find the courage to ask for what you need.